Risk Assessment: what we’ve done, and what you can do.

It’s April 2021 at the time of writing, and for the first time, It feels like we’re headed in an optimistic direction. Here’s the

Our Serco Track & Trace Obligations

Everyone has to check in. You can do this by scanning the QR Code with your COVID-19 app, or you can sign a slip of paper with your details on it. Basically, we’re in the same situation now as we were at the beginning of the second lockdown.

Here’s how you can help with that:

  • If you’re booking ahead, please fill out the box with your party’s names and numbers.
  • If you don’t have the COVID-19 app, and don’t want to give us your details, please be nice when we tell you you can’t have a seat.


Until the restrictions lift, the following rules still have to be obeyed, to restrict the movement of the virus and to limit transmission.

  • Follow the clearly-marked one-way system around the pub.
  • Use the sanitiser stations situated between each room, in the direction of our one-way travel.
  • Book tables in advance where possible, so we can have your details in advance and take you straight to your table.
  • Table service is mandatory by law – we’ll be around every five to ten minutes.


  • Staff members will wear masks at all times.
  • You must wear a mask when you’re not at your table.
  • Please let us know if you’re exempt from wearing a mask – but if you’ve got something visible you can wear to show everyone else, it might stop people looking at you funny when you go to the toilet. If you’re not wearing a mask, please be extra considerate when social distancing.

And here’s what you can do to help us:

  • Let us know if the sanitiser stations are damaged or empty.
  • Wear a mask as you travel around the pub, and when you’re not at your table.
  • If you come to the pub without a mask, we will provide you with a disposable mask for a pound donation to charity.
  • If you have no mask, refuse to buy one, and are not exempt, you will be denied entry.

Social Distancing

Pubs, especially the indoor areas, are places where people share the same air for prolonged periods. This is risky. Here’s what we’ve done to minimise that risk:

  • Reduced the number of tables and chairs to provide extra space between them. Don’t worry, all those horrible chairs are waiting to come back when this is over.
  • No standing at the bar.
  • All service will now be table service.
  • We’ve remove all tactile and moveable items. That includes books, flyers, board games, and that Pac-Man money box that I never threw away for some reason.
  • We’ve increased ventilation in the main snug, and will leave windows open where possible.
  • Fans, however, simply disturb the air without providing fresh air, so we won’t turn on the extension ceiling fan or the snug fan.
  • We will no longer be showing Sky Sports. It’s an expense that we cannot recoup with social distancing.

And here’s what we need you to do:

  • By all means chat between tables. But shouting is higher risk, so please don’t raise your voice.
  • Use the one-way system to avoid congestion.
  • Wear a face mask when you’re traversing the pub.

Seating & Cleaning Tables

We have to sanitise tables and chairs between each sitting. This means you can’t just walk in and take a seat, in case it hasn’t been sterilised. So:

  • Please wait at the entrance to be seated. Don’t just take an empty table, as it might need cleaning.
  • Please be ready to leave your table ten minutes before your booking ends (we’ll let you know if there’s no-one after you, so you can relax).

Going To The Toilet

This is the tricky bit, isn’t it? Here’s what we’ve done:

  • Limited both toilets to a single sink, and installed push-taps on that sink that you can work with your elbow.
  • Limited the gent’s toilets to the two outer urinals and cubicle.
  • Taken down the Viz comics so you don’t just stand there laughing out COVID and forgetting to piss
  • Jammed the doors open so that you don’t have to touch anything on the way in and out.
  • Improved air extraction in both toilets
  • Disconnected the new hand driers that I’ve literally just had installed, and you’ve been asking for for years. Seriously, I can’t believe this. Absolute tragedy.
  • Replaced them with paper towels. What a slap in the face!
  • Installed pedal-bins for you to dispose of the towels with minimum contact, while looking sadly at the new hand-driers.
  • Installed a hand sanitiser station outside the toilets so you can have a little bonus clean on the way back to your table.

And here’s what we need you to do:

  • Wear a mask when you’re in the potentially congested toilet corridor.
  • In fact, wear a mask whenever you’re not at your table.
  • Bonus, though – you don’t have to wear a mask while we’re taking your order. Mouth droplets travel downwards, so it’s only us that have to wear a mask then, for your benefit.
  • Do not enter the toilets if there’s no room to immediately go in and do your thing. Wait outside and 1m apart from other people. (1m is considered an acceptable distance – if you’re wearing a mask. Which you are, because we keep telling you to, in bold and italics.)


We’ve always been a dog-friendly pub. But because potentially contaminated droplets might settle on the carpet, and dogs lie on the carpet, we have to insist on a couple of new rules:

  • Dogs must be kept on a lead short enough to prevent them reaching other tables.
  • On the lap or a chair is OK – we will sterilise chairs and tables between each sitting.
  • Please don’t stroke dogs that aren’t at your table.

This is going to be a killer for us, too. God damn this virus.

Contactless Payments

Things that are touched my multiple people are a risk. This includes cash.

  • Please pay by contactless if at all possible. We are only accepting cash with extreme reluctance at the moment. We’ll probably wear a pair of gloves to take it off you, just to make it weird.

One-Way System

These are everywhere, now. You know the drill.

  • To avoid congestion, please follow the signs and go up the inside stairs, and down the outside stairs.
  • If you’re just moving one room in the opposite direction, that’s OK. I mean we’re not going to make you do a full circuit of the pub to get from the snug to the toilets. But please don’t force anyone to get close to you.

Leaving The Pub

For the duration of this pandemic, we’ll stop being annoyed if you walk out without saying Goodbye or Thanks.

  • You should leave via the fire escape corridor, and only by the front door if it’s absolutely clear.